Does Gay Matter?

I'm gonna put this out there. Probably most people will just call me a homophobe, but I don't really care. I challenge those to enlighten my thinking.

First; I don't really care what people do in their own bedrooms. Gay, straight, bisexual, none of it matters to me since it doesn't affect me. As a religious matter, I believe that while many things are condemned in the bible, it is our responsibility as Christians to love each other no matter what. I don't think the bible says we must agree with each other, but we are to love each other.

Second; as a matter of equal access/treatment of gays, I don't think hospitals should prevent "partners" from access just because they're not legally or biologically declared family. Additionally, I've worked for companies that allowed benefits coverage for members of the household, regardless of their marital status.

It appears my family will now face dealing with the issue of having a gay person in a leadership position at our church. On the surface I don't really care about someone's sexual preference. And if this were a situation where it was, say a school teacher who comes in each day, does their job and goes home, I say it wouldn't matter. But, this will be a situation where this leader will be a member of our church, attends regularly with their partner and their adopted child and therefore my child will have significant exposure to someone living an openly gay lifestyle. Who will be the influence in my child's life on the matter of gay lifestyle/marriage? Plus all the questions about somebody having two mommies or two daddies.

Many people argue that if you're gonna restrict gay people, what about divorced people? They'll say; hey, the bible (strictly interpreted) doesn't allow for remarriage. To that, I say the big difference is that while we can love those people as Christians, it isn't so obvious on the surface whether or not someone has been divorced. This may sound crazy to some people, as in; so now we have to go back in the closet or keep quiet about facts about our personal lives? I'm only trying to make the point that there IS  a difference. A very obvious one.

Until now, it didn't really matter to me whether or not someone was gay. I find it interesting that it isn't people like me openly condemning gays. It is quite the opposite; the gay lifestyle is being forced on us. Don't believe me? Tune into the new tv show Smash. It isn't just suggestive scenes, it is full, on-camera men-on-men, open-mouth kissing. We have the freedom to change the channel when it comes to television. Not so easy with the church.

Currently we have no tolerance for adults having sex with children under the age of 18. In past centuries, people married at a younger age. What will we do if/when society decides sex with young teenagers is acceptable?

But back to the original point; I will now have to accept the gay lifestyle and agree with it in order to remain at my church. Sorry, but I've been a member of this particular church for about 8 years and am somewhat offended that WE are being forced into this.

Priorities

I feel compelled to write about this subject. It is my intention this blog can be used as an educational tool as well as a "looking glass" into myself.

First a little history for perspective. I am now 50 years old. Growing up I had a good, middle-class childhood. My parents, though eventually divorced, stayed together until after I was out of the house and I believe both did the best they could at raising us kids during the time I was there. Respectfully, my two brothers and one sister may feel differently and they'd have good reason. I am only giving my opinion for the reader's understanding that I blame no one else for the choices I've made.

I have served honorably in both the Maryland Army National Guard and the United States Navy. I have held many jobs, my first being a newspaper deilvery boy at the age of 10. Amongst my various jobs, I've moved from front line employee to manager (both mid and upper level) and have owned my own business as an owner-operator and as a corporation with paid employees.

My annual personal income has never approached the $100k mark, though it has been adequate for a good lifestyle.

I have two children, widely separated in age and both are outstanding individuals in their own right.

Now onto the Priorities.

Choices

When we're young, we believe ourselves to be invincible, able to conquer all and more knowledgeable than our peers and certainly our parents. As someone once said to me; the older we get, the smarter our parents appear to us. Agreed.

As we grow older, we have times in our lives where we're able to make choices that will have long-lasting benefits/ramifications. The choices we make are directly related to the importance we place on the matters affected by those decisions; i.e. our priorities.

Many of the choices we make when we're young are driven by a desire to have material things. And of course, we want those material things to be new, the best, the coolest and most-desired by those around us. Once we start down this path, change is increasingly difficult and often impossible.

Time Factor

In making our choices, if we go after the newest, coolest and most-desired, it is likely that we'll pay top dollar and/or finance those choices over time. Don't believe me? Read The Millionaire Next Door. Proof is there. Check the price difference between a brand new car and the same make/model, but three years old. The reason time and financing make a difference is that the longer you're paying for whatever the item is, that is time and money lost that could either be saved or going to something else. Many financial books are written on this and the bottom line is this; you want to be debt-free. I have lived both indebted and debt-free. There is less stress and more happiness in being debt-free.

Jealous/Selfish Choices (keeping up with The Joneses)

I bring this up because this mentality has caused our personal spending to spiral out of control and put us in the poor house.

We watch TV and think we should all live in a picture-perfect house. Our gardens/yards should be straight out of a home-improvement show. Our kids should play sports, take dance/music lessons and be involved in just about everything we can sign them up for. Funny how those things usually come before church attendance too...but I digress.

I'm telling you to give those up or tone them down. What?!! Now if you have a child that shows promise and/or you can afford all those things without going broke, fine. Give the kid a chance, but your kids will love you even if they don't get everything they want.

When considering all the lawn/garden projects, remember the golf course has an entire staff to make it look that way, you're one person. The home improvement shows are using skilled, experienced people with the right tools. Again, if you can swing it, great. If you can rent a tool and do the job, great. I once rented a plug aerator and did fine. The $65 sure beat buying a lawn mower attachment for $200 or hiring someone to do if for more.

McMansions

If you haven't heard of them, they are basically houses bigger than most of us can afford. Remember, you might be able to qualify for the 30 year mortgage, but do you want your mortgage payment to hold you hostage while you can't afford a vacation? Will you remember that you need money to buy that new furniture that looks nicer than the beat up sofa from your parent's basement? Remember that during the 30 years in that house, you might need a new roof once or twice. We've all been through neighborhoods that might not hold our dream house, but there are people living there who've taken great care with their yards/gardens and homes.

The Job

Ah yes, the job. We all want high pay, great benefits and status. Here's the reality; do what you're good at. If it pays well, great. If it doesn't, work on increasing your knowledge to move you into something you'll enjoy, but also pays well. If you love your job and it doesn't pay well, decide whether you're love of job is more important than the paycheck. The world will always need people to clean rooms, run errands, cook food, pick up trash, etc. You can have one of these jobs and still be a great person. In fact, I remember when people would say; I might sweep/mop floors for a living, but they'll be the best damned floors you've ever layed eyes on.

We're not all going to be financially "rich." However, many people enjoy taking their campers on vacations and weekends, riding bikes and tending to their own little piece of paradise in their back yards.

In the end, you don't have to live in a big fancy house. You don't have to be pulling down big money in a high-profile job. You just have to be you. Choose your friends wisely. They'll respect you for not giving in to whatever the latest craze is. Love your family, they're all you get.